Saturday, January 23, 2010

Physical Flare-Up, and God's Still Good!!!

The past couple of weeks I've been feeling odd and haven't been able to pinpoint what has been wrong. After recovering from a cold turned ear (and who know what other) infection I noticed some nagging things that were odd going on.
One thing that I noticed was that though my cold symptoms were gone, my throat seemed to be a bit constricted. I had a hard time getting foods that were ordinarily easy to swallow down my throat without drinking water. This was not something that came on suddenly and didn't seem to be changing so I gave it no notice.
Another thing that was odd was that I began to swell after being literally unswollen all of this pregnancy. I know that it's normal to have some swelling in the end, but this was somehow off. I had not changed my eating habits or done anything that was directly related to swelling.
There were others such as: uncalled for anxiety, some mental confusion, tiredness, etc... which all could have been passed off for pregnancy symptoms if I did not really feel an underlying feeling that something was different. I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong or out of control and I couldn't figure out what it was.
Fast forward a bit. Last night I was suddenly awakened at around 3am with a feeling of panic. My face was puffy and my lips were huge. I felt as if my body was carrying around 30 extra pounds of water as heavy as lead inside of it. None of the regular tricks for helping with the swelling worked (lots of water, tea, warm baths, elevating my feet, etc...) I wasn't sure what it was, but I knew that something was terribly wrong.
Thus began my prayer time this morning with a time of praising God, longing to trust Him and trying to surrender to His will for my body whatever that was. I tell you, it's really hard to surrender to something that you have no idea what it is! By the time I was done I still had just as much anxiety, but I was determined to lean on the Lord for His support and to trust Him.
Throughout the day I really struggled. I would start to think that something was wrong, and then I would begin to pray and fight to trust God and to seek His will on what I should do. Finally, I called a close friend of mine and talked it over with her for a few minutes. It was her who suggested that it might have been some kind of allergic reaction.
All at once I began to understand. I was having a flare up of the same sort that I had experienced several times over the past few years. You see, it seems that my body has some type of hystamine reaction to an overload of stress plus virus in my body. That was it! I have had these panicked feelings before! I will be okay!
I just want to give God all of the glory for this. I decided to trust Him for His grace and guidance and to do my best not to worry. He was faithful even when I had to come to Him every few minutes to renew my faith in Him. Thank you Lord for your faithfulness and for letting me know that it'd all be okay. I love you and thank you for loving me.

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